A Weird-ass Crash Bandicoot Fan Fiction
by DullVivid
Summary: Behold a late night story written by an insane 20 year-old; Crash Bandicoot finds himself in a forced situation that requires his effort to help resolve.


Crash Bandicoot was at his fuckin goddamn house one day after the events of Cortex's recent failure, just staring at his poster of Tawna the Playboy Bandicoot on the wall. Crash sighed heavily as he thought to himself, "Wow, I was such a dingus for actually falling for that Wumpa-munching whore-she left me for a chronic smoker with a machine gun."

He looked outside only to be turned off from any form of fun that he could possibly have today. What a little shit. After nearly passing out from planting his face into his pillow for like, a flipping hour, he decides to go fuck with Crunch.

"Heeyy, Crunch," Crash exclaimed as Crunch was attempting to repair his metallic wrist. With a heavy sigh, Crunch rolled his eyes and flicks his head over to the obnoxious bandicoot. "If this is an apology for chewing up my hand while I was asleep, just move on with your day now 'cause I don't feel like hearing it," he said.

Crash sorta just shrugs it off, cos hey, Crunch is a fuckin idiot right? His feelings surely don't count. Anyfuckinways, Crash decides to go for a swim-oh wait, he can't really do that without divers equipment. So he like, died but respawned nearby that lake or whatever. Good thing he has like 63 lives left.

While Crash is out pressing his luck with the grim reaper, Coco is in her conveniently hidden lab working on a few gadgets and chemicals. "If I can successfully tether these Wumpa ions with animal proteins with an electromagnetic pulse, I should be able to create the perfect anti-acne serum," she technobabbled to herself as she mixed several ingredients together in a beaker.

"Voila!" She exclaims aloud. "I...don't know why I just said that considering no one else was present and able to hear me." She observes the serum and tests it out by placing a drop onto her tongue; "Tastes liiike...cherry? No, totally raspberry. Yuck, I hate raspberry." She walks to her mini-fridge and takes a swig of milk

"Oh god oh god that must have been expired," she grumbles as she grabs hold of her abdomen. "I knew I should have went shopping the other day while I had the chance..." She was then cut off as she looked over at a window, seeing a faint reflection of herself. "Uhh...are my.." Coco looks down and cannot see her fuckin shoes. What a fuckin twist.

"Oh my fuckin gosh, not again...the enzymes from the milk must have had a reaction with the acne serum and caused my 'wumpas' to grow. Wow that's, that's totally normal and convenient to this story." Coco then walks upstairs to her bedroom to get a better view in her mirror. "Heyy, not bad, I could get a little used to these if not for the fact that they absolutely feel as though they could rip my spine in two at any given moment."

Just as she was about to head back downstairs, Crash walks out of her bathroom with one of her bras on his head. "Yikes! I was just experimenting with your dual soup ladles..."

Coco grunts and rolls her eyes as she places her hands on her hips. "Crash, for the last time, stop getting into my wardrobe. Any, uh, anyways, that's besides the point right now. Notice anything different?"

Crash gives her a long, hard stare, trying to process any differences that might have occurred within her appearance between then and the last time he had seen her. What a fuckin idiot. "Oh oh, you stuffed Wumpa fruit up under your shirt to look like one of those girls in Crunch's magazines!"

"I...uh, I don't wanna know what fine literature he's into, but I request assistance," Coco stated as she began to mutter a little. "See I fucked up a certain chemical and it caused my 'wumpas' to quadruple in size. The best method of reversing the effects is if I were to collect a donor sample of a matching genotype and combine it with the serum that I ingested earlier."

Crash appears to be fucking stoned as he just stares at her, flabbergasted at what she had just said.

Coco groans and walks up to him, pressing her "wumpas" against his chest. That got his fuckin attention. "In simpler terms, I need either a blood or sperm sample from you, big brother."

Crash like, fucking jumps back and curls up into a ball from the mere mentioning of the notion of blood samples. Can't blame him, needles are scary as fuck. "Okay, okay, you can just take my whale collection-they're in my bathtub at my house! Pleaaase don't drink my blood like a vampire."

Coco stares at him for a bit and ponders. "Crash, I meant for you to fuck the shit out of me."

Crash remains confused. "What's a fuck?" he questioned. Wow, did he seriously just ask that. I mean, he hangs around Crunch enough to probably know. Anyways...

Coco hesitantly locks her door and flicks the blinds shut on her windows. "I hope you're okay with this, because I can't be working all day with a broke back." She flicks off her shirt and unbuckles her bra, dropping it to the ground while she begins to unzip her jeans.

Crash is like, fuckin captivated in this shit. Little bastard's getting rock-hard and doesn't even know what it's about. "Heeey those aren't real Wumpas, those look like those rocks I see out by the pool..."

"Yeah, uh, mind helping me get my pants off, bro? I think my hips sorta conveniently grew as well because we all fuckin know that's how these magically sex appeal-inducing MacGuffins work."

Crash skeptically approaches her and bites onto the waistline of her jeans, tugging at them till they slip off. One feel of her warm fucking thigh sets him off and his heart begins to race. "Umm, I think my stick thingy is broken now-"

Coco guffaws, "Oh my god you've never had a boner before? Guys get them all the time around your age, at least they should." She plops down in front of him to unbuckle his fucking stylish belt and drops his jeans. Seriously, Crash's belt from Titans is like, fuckin hip as shit, yo.

Crash winces a bit as Coco tugs a little at his boxers, trying to pull out his Bandicock. Much to her surprise, it just so happens to be fuckin 9 inches long because I'm in charge of this fuckin weird-ass story that you shouldn't be reading.

"Holy wumpa," Coco mumbles, "your TNT is like, super huge!" She sorta friggin fondles it a bit, shifting her eyes between Crash's blushed face and his conveniently endowed junk. "Okay Crash, get ready for this 'cos it'll be like the only time I'll give you privilege to touch me!" She wraps her fuckin goddamned jiggly wumpas around his dang and starts cushioning it up and down.

Crash like, bites his lip till it nearly bleeds as he clinches his fists so fuckin hard that they feel numb. His hips just involuntarily thrust slightly in rhythm to Coco's wumpa-fapping.

"Siiiince you're probably not used to this, like, at all, I'll try to go easy on you!" Coco grunts as she puts all the effort she's got into it. "Oh fuck this," she pants, "it's not as easy as those fuckin hentais make it out to be." Coco then just like flops down onto her bed, pulling Crash onto her."

"Oh god oh god oh god oh god you are like, super waaaarm!" Crash announces as he grins. He fuckin just like, merges with her as he just sorta faceplants into her flabby wumpas, thrusting into her like some horny Pomeranian. Seriously though, have y'all ever seen a Pomeranian fuck? They're like little jackhammers.

"FuUuUuUuUck, CraAaAaAashHh!.." Coco shouts in a vibrating-like tone as she's just like, fucking fucked silly by her hyped brother. "Lemme get comfy first!" As Crash pulls out temporarily, Coco flips over like a pancake onto her belly and allows him to resume his work. Just hope he doesn't spin.

Crash like, fuckin bangs the fuck out of her for like the next 3 minutes, all the while he is just latched onto her back.

"Craaash, take it out before you come, I still need that sample!" Coco reminds as Crash pulls out. She turns back around to him and wraps her wumpas around his shaft again, massaging it up and down. "Come one, hurry up and blow your TNT all over my wumpas so I can have enough time to watch wrestling tonight after I fix these!

Coco's meat cushions were apparently too much for him, so Crash just locks his hips up and blasts his spunk all over her ample wumpas, thrusting with every spurt till no more was available.

She blinked intensely as it splattered onto her face, holding her breath so that she wouldn't get it up her nose, gross. She was basically left with glazed donuts for her chest. "Ew, it smells like clams," Coco grumbles as she scrapes some off her tit into a plastic cup she had. "Uh, yeah...thanks for the help Crash! Don't speak of this to Crunch or I'll make him watch us next time."

"Next time?" Crash inquired. He's like, panting cos he fuckin worked that shit like it was the p90x.

Coco got all red. "Uh, trust me I Toootally didn't enjoy this, hurr. Do me a favor and uh...put my blankets in the wash and dump like the whole thing of detergent into it." She departs for a quick shower before going to make an antidote.

Meanwhile, we find Aku Aku hiding in a cave somewhere, shivering in fear as he fell witness to the horror that was Crash Bandicoot screwing his own sister.


End file.
